If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
