I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
