im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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