i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
