Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
