My hand turned me down
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
