My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
