there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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