mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
