where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
