I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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