they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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