My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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