there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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