it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
