this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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