i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
