I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
