You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
