How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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