: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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