I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
