is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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