I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
