One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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