This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize