Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
