alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
