Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
