Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
