so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
