I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We need to rekindle our bromance
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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