We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
