I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
