By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
In America we eat man semen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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