I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
