her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
