Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
