how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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