i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize