We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
