It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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