We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
