my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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