using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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