Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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