You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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