i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
