i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
