you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
