i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
