Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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