I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
