i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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