Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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