So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
