HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
