I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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