i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
