I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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