Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
