There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
