do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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