She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Mom said you looked used
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is my gift to your gina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
