i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
