slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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