he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
