i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
