he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
