Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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