Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize