he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
