Got a toothbrush?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
