im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
