shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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