I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
