Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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