I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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