Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
