i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
