Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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