girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
