Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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