if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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